Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
