Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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