he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
