honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
my liver is dry heaving
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
