I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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