Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sext me about skeletons
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
