do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
