Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Who died my cat blue again?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
