i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
