The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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