Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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