I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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