now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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