I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
