i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
