Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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