I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
