Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need a beard to bite.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
