I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
