I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
