Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
