you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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