If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
