Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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