I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ketchup is God's man juice
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
