love makes seman taste better
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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