I hope mine doesn't look like that
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He shit in the fireplace
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
