I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
