end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
