is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
