I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
