I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
