Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My vagina is officially offended.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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