I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
do nipples grow back?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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