Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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