Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
