i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
