Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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