So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
