Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
