I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
