I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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