but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
