DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
