I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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