Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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