You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
sex in a hospital.. check
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
