My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
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I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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