I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
