i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
