The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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