I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Someone shattered a urinal.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
