Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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