I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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