You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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