Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
