fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
