Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
4 words: hood of his car
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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