PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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