i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
