Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
