What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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