Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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